Needing...

the ocean...i've been craving standing there peering into the vastness and listening to it and smelling it...

alone time -- when i pulled into work today (have the car today) and parked i heard the stillness in my car and was like "bingo" i need this....and i wanted to listen.

creative time -- painting plant life, just putting something together...i have a few volunteer sunflowers growing in the back yard...need to save them and dry them for a painting that is in progress.

knowledge of local birds -- another craving...i've got a new birdfeeder outside the kitchen window and have been listening and looking very closely for the last couple of months...this is clearly a new draw for me...i love it.

getting away to a cabin or beach house with kathryn....we talked about it and need to make it happen.

the fly died

Julian found a fly on the lamp before we went to bed. i had a candle burning directly below the lamp and we had been discussing the importance of staying away from the flame and how hot it is and how the wax can drip and hurt if you touch it and such.... Julian tried to shoo the fly away when it landed on the edge of the candle container and then the fly went right into the hot wax and died.

Julian fell apart, it was like his first taste of death...he said the fly was so cute and was completely inconsolable for about 10 minutes. i just held him and told him what a good heart he had and how sweet he was to care for the little fly. then unable to come up with anything further to comfort him besides hugging him, i said let's take him out and would you like to put him in a little bed? then we can bury him next to the saint francis statue in our backyard because he is the protector of creatures large and small. that seems to do something for his pain...we put him in a tissue paper bed and Julian gave him a little kiss (just an air kiss) then back to bed with the saddest face I've ever seen.

this morning he buried him and we said a prayer and i told him that the spirit of the fly was hovering above him thinking how wonderful it made him feel to be so loved and appreciated by this little boy. then we covered him with dirt and he placed some geraniums on top.

probably one of the sweetest memories i have in our treasure trove so far. i will always remember it.

Doing something different every day this week

Not sure yet what it will be but i want to do something different every day this week. Guess i'm feeling a bit stale. Since i started taking this creative play class i've been so inspired to make art happen every day and i FIND the time! the trick was to break away from what i know. and for me that was making something representational, oil painting, life drawing, figures and landscapes and still lifes...all things i love but holding me back from grabbing the small bits of time available to me. so watercolor and new materials and new approaches that make me PLAY. This makes it so easy to just sit and get started and feeds the creative fire. doesn't mean i won't create more involved works too like my first love, figurative BUT it does mean that i am painting and creating so much more on a daily basis now and looking forward to getting my materials out and getting going.

here's to making art and the life saving that it does. as soon as i have more images scanned in i will post my progress. our class project was a mind map of some kind, very loosely defined and we made books with images that would evoke who we are.

my hats off to my instructor who opened the clogged arteries of my creative life....clogged with babies and daily stresses, dishes and laundry. almost forgot i am an artist.

so the something different every day this week....well we'll see, for today...i think i will pick up 10 items that look interesting on my daily walk, either that or i won't go home directly after work...still thinking on it.

on being grateful

so apparently if you write down what you are grateful for and then share it with someone it's supposed to actually alter your state of mind and last for about a month....

coffee i'm sipping

patience i've conjured up the last 2 nights when Camille melted down

kisses this morning

being done with my painting today at work

3 day weekend

hike and art show this weekend with WHOLE family

my journal and sketchbook

this morning on the bus i realized i guess..."once again" that i am an artist and how important that is to me in order to live a fulfilling life. it's what i'm here for.

i'm taking a creative play class and it's just what i needed. really has stoked the creative fire and here are a few samples of the play that's been happening. so much fun!!

grateful for

Since i'm feeling so empty this morning i thought i needed a dose of what i'm grateful for, i think it's a great practice for the simple act of making you look at what you should be focused on. every month i go into my abyss sometimes these times are darker than others...this month has been pretty bad. so it's filled with strange emotions...like guilt for going there when i have so much, and how could i have been so nasty this morning with Julian? he's only 6! and then i just feel this way anyway and can't get out. so here is my list:

luscious lunch of whole wheat pasta with garbanzos and spinach

weight watchers at work

work that is fairly good with a fair amount of creativity and no travel

seeds that are sprouting

a good chunk of quiet time this morning

3 day weekend on the horizon

being able to paint and draw much more

creative play class opening up new paths

friends to laugh and be silly with

being able to put up a tent and sleep for 2 hours in it

Grateful for...

wedge of dark chocolate i'm enjoying

hopes of sunshine this weekend

end of the week

newly discovered friends via facebook

grumpy funny guy named Matt, makes me laugh every day

going bowling tonight

some alone shopping time

our warm and cozy home

learning to let the mess go

Julian's new kindergarten teacher